This Makes Us Weep

The descent of Whitney Houston into a nightmare of drug addiction and insanity brings tears to our eyes. We have never bought a Whitney Houston record, but one cannot deny the talent of the voice. The one time beautiful woman, has become a crack addicted, toothless, filthy hag,

We prefer to remember Whitney this way:

Harrison Ford: "I Hate the Internet"; We Hate What Han Solo Has Become

We love curmudgeons, but Harrison Ford is a grouchy old grouch!!He hates the internet because of how it affects him personally. Poor guy. Maybe he should stop making bad movies and take that dumb earring out of his ear.

Anti Smokers in Trouble With the Law

Anti-smoking group gets popped for failing to identify itself on propaganda it dispensed.

Every little annoyance helps. The coalition sent out 5,000 postcards that declared, “Your right to breathe smoke-free air is in jeopardy,” but failed to note on the cards who authorized and paid for the cards.

Meanwhile, we're still searching for that 'right' in our copy of the constitution.

PHd for the Trailer Park Set-White Trash Mom

I'm dying to sit and have a cup of coffee in this woman's trailer.

Sample post:"The Christmas lights were finally taken down. Not by me nor my husband. But by a long-time friend of our family who just could not stand it anymore" How can you not love a woman like this? White Trash Mom

British Teen Goes Crazy, Uk Loves Every Minute

Whatever problems your kids give you, pale in comparison to Leanne Black from the UK. A real life Vickie Pollard,, (the thuggish teenage girl who is a charachter on the famous sketch comedy Little Britain.Black has the dubious honor of being the youngest person to get a DUI in Britain. Miss Black threw eggs at reporters, kicked furniture and yelled abuse in court. Not to be outdone, Black's mom flashed her bum and demanded photogs to "Go on then, film this."

This family really needs their own reality TV Show. You know you would watch.

That's A Lot of People

Being a native Angelino, I have never seen so many people in downtown on a single day. Even more incredible, they are WALKING and not driving in cars. Amazing.

The protests were spurred by many things, but according to an LA Times story,two DJ's on s local Spanish Language radio station really got the ball rolling.

Sharon Stone Talks Sex

This is why it's hard to take Hollywood movie stars too seriously. Sure some are smart, but then you get someone like Sharon Stone. According to Ms. Stone

"Young people talk to me about what to do if they're being pressed for sex? I tell them (what I believe): oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex. "If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them."

Now, it's not that what she's saying is inherently wrong. The problem is, why are kids asking Sharon Stone for advice? What kids? Who? Are teens running up to her begging for sexual wisdom? If true, the youth of today is really in trouble.

"Super Size Me" Filmaker Offends All

.Morgan Spurlock the documentary filmaker made famous by his film on the damage done to one's health by eating only McDonald's, may have offended just about everyone in his talk to high school students in suburban Philadelphia. Lambasting special ed students, teachers and of course McDonald's, didn't seem to bother Spurlock, or the students, who gave him a standing ovation.

All we know is if you watch "Super Size Me", you'll never do Mickey D's again. For that alone, the man deserve a medal.

Teen Spends Ten Grand on Prom?

A seventeen year old girl spent $10,000 on her prom. The Hummer is booked, the custom made $2,000 dress, $500 Gucci shoes and the many celebrity like beauty treatments the night will entail are planned.

"Teens think of prom as their Oscar night. They want to look and feel like celebrities," says Gina Kelly, fashion director at Seventeen magazine.

A big thank-you to Seventeen Magazine for exploiting that trend!

Delaney Designs:Custom Jewelry for Jeans to Ballgowns

Calabasas artist and jewelry designer Susan Delaney, creates one of a kind beautiful pieces.

Susan's mission is to "produce beautiful, versatile jewelry that will feel as comfortable to wear with jeans as with a ball gown".

Visit Susan's website, Delaney Designs to view all her custom creations.

Face of Meth

Here is a great site for anyone considering trying crystal meth. It not only ruins your life, but makes you look really old and scary. The Faces of Meth

Rape and Child Murder: High School Reading Material?

Malibu High School parents are upset about a student chosen book being used for a reading program for 9-12th graders at the school.

The novel by Alice Sebold, titled The Lovely Bones is the story of a young girl who is raped murdered and dismembered by a neighbor. The girl watches from heaven as her family, friends and her murderer go through life.

A beautifully written book, it's really not appropriate for 9th graders.

The strange thing is it was chosen by a student committee. Aren't teachers supposed to pick the material?

Comments please as we are on the fence on this one.

SAT's Causing More Grief Than Usual

More problems with the SAT scores. The College Board is apologizing for scoring students incorrectly. Over 27,000 SATs went unchecked for errors.

It might be time to come up with a new system A lot of money is behind the push for SATs, maybe this will be the crack in the system that results in a complete overhaul.

Where is the Dissent at the Acorn?

If your only exposure to the news was The Acorn you might think the new smoking ordinance in our city was no big deal. You might get the impression that all are in agreement. The paper went out of it's way to paint a rose colored picture of the smoking ban on it's front page story this week. Quoting "experts" on all the dangers the city council has protected us from, the paper had a small voice of opposition quoting a man from Ohio.

There was no commentary on the opinion page, on what was an international story. Only one lone letter to the editor, which simply said,

"Thank you for not smoking The Calabasas secondhand smoke ordinance was the right and brave thing to do. Thank you for setting such a good example to the rest of the country on your nonsmoking ordinance"

That's it??? We're wondering if dissent is not allowed at the Acorn anymore

Whippet the New Elvis?

New Yorkers are obsessed with the case of the missing Whippet named Vivi, who bolted from a cargo hold at JFK after competing in the famous Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show , There is now a Vivi Watch tracking the many sightings of the AKC Champ. Vivi has been spotted in Flushing and Queens, in cemetery's, school yards and junk yards. Vivi has become legend and will soon be spotted buying Tab and peanut butter at a convience store in Arkansas.

Said one rescuer worker,

"Vivi is considered a dog at large, living off her wits".

Having owned a Whippet, we can only say, that's not a good thing.

Are You a Suburbanista?

Our head is still spinning after subjecting ourselves to the guilty pleasure of Bravo's new TV show, The Real Housewives of Orange County. In fact we feel so good about how normal we are.

Just in case we were fooling ourselves about our down to earth take on life, we took the quiz in the LA Daily News called Are You a Suburbanista? After taking it, we realized, life make sense again.

More Bad News About the Air We Breathe

Chemicals, cars and pestisides top the list of airborne toxins. Noticably absent from the list: second hand smoke.

Nose Piercing Means Trouble for Eighth Grader

An eight grader with a nose piercingwon a temporary reprieve from suspension after taking her case to the school board.

"It takes a lot of courage for an adult to stand up for what they believe in," board president Patty Merrill told 14-year-old Elizabeth Estrada at Tuesday night's meeting. "And I think I speak for the entire board by saying that we're proud of you."

Why is it if a kid stands up for something, no matter howmisguided, adults fall all over themselves to praise the kid?

The topper is the girls mother who said she at first "disapproved" when her daughter wanted to get the piercing, but she eventually gave in.

Is that how it's done? Who knew?

California Air Really Dirty

New York and California have the dirtiest air in the country according to the EPA. According to the report"

New Yorkers' risk of developing cancer from air toxins is estimated to be 68 residents per million. In California, the risk is 66 residents per million. The national average is 41.5 per million

Well at least we're safe from second hand smoke in our little bubble of Calabasas. Thanks city council!

Oprah Bad For Your Brain?

Maybe the city will now ban shows like Oprah and soap operas. It seems they rot your brain and are more damaging than , oh let's see,....second hand smoke. One can hope.

Who is Going to Tell Joaquin to Put Out That Butt?

Sorry, but Joaquin can smoke in my city any day.

Calabasas Housing Prices:The Good, The Bad and The Palatial

The good news,Calabasas home prices are down 8.1% for February 2006. The bad news: The average home sold for $1.149 million. This is what your money will buy. But you need $5393.00 a month to pay the mortgage. At that price this is what you'll be eating for dinner.

Calabasas Housewives Run

The Calabasas based group "Not So Desperate Housewives" ran in this week's LA Marathon and raised more than $10,000 for LA Charities. The group was started by ultra-marathoner Shannon Farar-Griefer, a 44-year-old actress/fitness model and mother of two.

College Grads Face Best Job Market

Well, some good news for a change. College grads will enter the best job market in five years. It must be Bush's fault.

Clooney Does it All

George Clooney donated his goody Oscar bag to the United Way. The guy is too much. He's smart, principled, gorgeous, has an Oscar and a house in Italy. Then he goes around doing stuff like this???

*sigh* Here is the loot Oscar participants scored.

A Red State Votes to Ban Smoking

At least they get to vote in Alabama. The people of the state will decide whether to ban smoking in restaurants and bars, which is fine by us. Will a red state go as far as Calabasas? Time will tell, but with all the major issues going on in the world today, it's amazing that time is being taken for this debate.

Snapper Jon's Fish Market: Fish and philosophy

In what will be a semi regular feature, the Calabasas Chronicle will recommend local businesses we think are exceptional. We hope you support these various gems. We get nothing from them, just the satisfaction of knowing that we have spread the word.

First up is Snapper Jon's Seafood located at 22941 Ventura Blvd., between Woodlake and Fallbrooke. Snapper Jon's has the freshest, best tasting fish you will find anywhere. Buy the fish to go, or Jon himself will cook up a great fish lunch, while discussing life, love and fish with fish hungry patrons.

Below is a sample menu. Have fun and happy eating.

Calabasas Smoking Circus

The media, both print and television, were out in full force yesterday as the new snti-smoking law took effect in Calabasas. A lot of residence made their way on to the local and national news telecasts and many were quoted in the front page of the Los Agneles Times. The story has made headlines across the globe. The powers that got the ball rolling were sitting in the outdoor area of the Commons waiting for their close ups and fielding calls from the vast media conglomerate. We hope they enjoy the fiteen minutes.

The Calabasas Chronicle did an extremely unscientific poll yesterday at the Commons and found the media's portrayal of the event were was follows.

NBC "everyone is for it."

ABC "it's evenly split."

(hey, we said unscientific). One high school student reported the afternoon rush at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf was smoke free, however the gas fumes from the numerous newsvans were overwhelmingly "smelly". Maybe we can get former Mayor Groveman to ban news vans next.

A St. Paddy's Pinch=Sexual harassment?

Students at AC Stelle Middle School were informed yesterday that any pinching due to the absence of green attire, a St Patrick's Day tradition, would be considered sexual harassment. Of course the leprechaun to the left wouldn't even be allowed in Calabasas because he's smoking.

Where is the Acorn???

Interesting how the City of Calabasas is making news across the nations for it's anti smoking ordinance, but not a mention of the ban at all in our local paper, The Acorn.

We're wondering if the editors at the paper got the word to kill the story in exchange for access to city politics. It's just a theory but something to consider.

Smoke a Camel Go to Jail??

An e-mail exchange between Calabasas public information specialist, Michael Hafkin and Reason Magazine Editor, Jacob Sullum. gives a chilling overview of our new clean air ordinance saying the city could put smokers in jail, but they never will. I guess we just have to take their word for it.

Check out Our Message Boards

Check out our message boards. Join the discussion. Put in your two cents! Start you own thread or comment in ongoing topics.

Click HERE or

click the the "Calabasas Community Discussion Board and Forum" on the lower right side of the blog below the links!

Happy posting!

It Keeps Getting Worse for Bush

President Bush can't catch a break. First it was Katrina, then the impending civil war in Iraq, a VP with a gun, talk of impeachment, and now this??? Former Calabasas resident Jessica Simpson snubs Bush!!!! Oh the horror. He should resign now. If you can't keep your bubble headed blonde base intact, it's over.

That's A Lot of Zeros

From AP news, The Senate has approved a bill permitting the government to borrow another $781 billion, bringing the limit on the national debt to nearly $9 trillion.

$9,000,000,000,000 . That is more zeros than my high school algebra test scores. (ca-ching!)

Barry Groveman Makes His Case on KCRW

In case you didn't catch our illustrious former Mayor/Current City Councilman, Barry Groveman on KCRW last night, click HERE to read the transcript or listen to the interview on Which Way LA with Warren Olney

Groveman used the interview to campaign for higher office ....ooops we mean defend his anti smoking ordinance he championed here in Calabasas. Warren Olney's guests also included Calabasas resident, Jack Soloman, and Jacob Sullum, editor of Reason Magazine who was previously quoted at the The Calabasas Chronicle.

Blinkers, Cell Phones & Thoughtlessness

How hard is it to use your blinker when you're turning? How hard is it to hang up your phone and drive? You're not in Kansas anymore, people, so drive like you're all there, focused on the event at hand. You're either incredibly distracted which is scary or incredibly egocentric which is almost scarier.

Clean Air Calabasas-Did You Get Your Pamphlet?

We're wondering how much this cost the city. The beautiful color printed pamphlet explaining the 'comprehensive secondhand smoke control ordinance', didn't come cheap. Along with the cost of mailing and enforcement, it looks like the money the city is sitting on is going somewhere.

Four page memos were also sent out to business owners earlier in the week with a list of rules and regulations including keeping a "designated smoking area" 20 feet away from oak trees. Oak trees?

Consequences for 'offending others by smoking' are included in the Pamphlet and range from warnings, tickets and possible civil lawsuits.

Personally we're offended by the whole affair.

Get Your Celebrity Fix Online and Be Proud!

Too embarrassed to throw that National Enquirer in the shopping cart at Gelson's??? Do you sneak views of Star Magazine at the gym? It's time to come out of the celebrity obsessed closet. Now thanks to the internet you can get all the gossip and juice on the internet. These sites are fabulous and wicked. Just remember, they can sometimes be raunchy and fall under the category of NSFW or in the parlance of the blogospher (Not Suitable For Work!!).

The Superficial a nasty misanthrope who cuts sharp.

The to the point named Celebrities Suck

Perez Hilton who calls himself the "Queen of all Media."

Simply Skin Deep another nerdy guy who hates everyone.

Go Fug Yourself a site where "Fugly is the New Pretty." Two women ripping famous women to shreds for the 'fugly' clothes they wear. Wow, it's just like junior high without the zits!

Now you can enjoy your guilty pleasures in the privacy of your own PC. Have fun!

Rate My Teacher: Where Students Grade Teachers

Ever wonder what kids are saying about their teachers? Find out at a great site called Rate My Teacher.com. Students don't mince word when describing the faults and foibles of their teachers. At the Calabasas High Teachers site, it gets ugly at times, but the truth is deliciously brutal. When describing Anna Blout a language teacher at CHS one student writes "This woman has more loose screws than Home Depot. It is impossible to follow what she is saying. She gets confused, loses her place, cannot answer our questions and is unfriendly."Yikkes!

Teachers are rated on a score of 1 to 5 based on clarity, helpfulness and clarity. The unfortunate Ms. Blount scored a dismal 1.6 making her one of the lowest on the CHS roster.

Not all teachers got the verbal lashing however. Some, such as English teacher Trish McEvoyscored an impressive 4.4. Comments like "best teacher in the whole school". are common to Mrs. McEvoy. In fact McEvoy scored the highest of all the teachers and administrators at CHS.

The site has a parent mode which is unfortunately virtually empty.

Check out the site and be sure to comment on the good teachers you have come across. There is also a Rate My Professors for all college students and parents.

Only in Calabasas:Luxury Cars in the CHS Parking Lot

No, you are not looking at ads for Calabasas Motor Cars or Bob Smith BMW. These cars are driven by teenagers at Calabasas High. This is the parking lot of the school taken on an average day, not a "Drive Your Parents Car to School Day". We noticed BMW's, Mercedes, Range Rovers, Lexus and plethora of Audi's. Sure there were the standard Jettas, VW Beetles and Mustangs, which are typical teenage cars, but we are perplexed by parents who feel comfortable buying their 16 year old a . a car worth more than the average tution of most colleges.

The other odd thing noted was the lack of clunkers. No beat up AMC Pacers or last leg Buick Regals with primer spots. Meanwhile in the teacher parking lot, we noticed a lot more Toyota's, Hondas and Mini-Vans.

Click hereto see what we think kids should be driving to school.

Cheney In the Bottom of the Ninth

You got to love it, Reuters calls it:

Vonnegut Speaks at Ohio State University

Kurt Vonnegut author of Slaughterhouse Five and others, spoke recently at Ohio State University. He has a lovely take on life, war, our President and the meaning of the semi-colon; Peace and Justice . Bushites relax..judging by what he's holding in his hand, he won't be coming to our town any time soon!

Calabasas Chronicle Correction

In a previous post the Calabasas Chronicle reported the Las Virgenes Unified School District would be holding a parent meeting regarding the issue of kids and MySpace.com. The meeting will be held March 22,2006 @7:00PM at the AC Stelle muti purpose room, not the district headquarters as previously stated Please make a note of the change and see you there.

Clean Air Calabasas A smoke-free, family-friendly atmosphere of moralistic intolerance

The one good thing about the smoking ban is, it's making Calabasas famous! People from across the nations have offered up an opinion on what is going on in our city. Jacob Sullum of Reason Magazine Online. writes a great piece this week. A high-light includes this gem of reasoning,

"The ban's backers see smoking as a shameful vice that must be kept out of sight, an indecent activity from which adults must shield children's eyes as well as their noses. The logic of forcing people to set a good example for the kids—which also would justify banning fat people and motorcyclists from public places—reduces adults to the level of children whenever they venture out of their homes."

Check out the entire article at the Reason Online

Madonna for President?

Madonna urges Americans to embrace female leadership.

Although we don't agree with what she's saying and think she's a bit crazy, we love to imagine Madonna as president. She looks really scary and tough and we're sure she could take Kim Jong-Il or the dastardly Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a celebrity death match any day. She would break them in half, free the world and change the national anthem to Material Girl

Jerry Cutler for Mayor???

We have sung the praises of Calabasas resident Jerry Cutler before in an earlier post, applauding his Letter to the Editor regarding the draconian smoking ban in Calabasas.

Now Cutler continues with a rational and informative take on the subject. Cutler is calling for an immediate modification in his March 9th comments in this weeks' edition of the Acorn.

Steve Lopez Explains "Crash" Win

There has been lots of debate about why the Best Picture Oscar went to Crash , instead of Brokeback Mountain, but we loved this tongue in cheek critique from , Los Angeles Times columnist, Steve Lopez.

Lopez dishes about academy voters saying,

"kabbala and Bikram yoga practitioners have been wrong, even if it's been years since any of them ventured east of Robertson except to hand out Oscars or cruise for hookers".

Funny stuff. We liked Crash, thought it was great, but we're still sad that two hot gay cowboys didn't take home their Oscar.